LESS THAN 15: If brains were made of cotton wool, you wouldn't have enough to make a tampon for a canary.15-20: Must try harder.
21-30: One of the lads!
(a) Make low moaning sounds in her ear.
(b) Suck on her neck giving her a love bite.
(c) Shove your thumb up her arse so she screams her tits off.
2. When you are in bed and she whispers, "I love you", do you:
(a) Whisper back, "I love you too, darling"
(b) Put your arse on her leg and fart.
(c) Say, "Get to F---ing sleep, arse breath!"
3. You have just made love to your girlfriend. Do you:
(a) Hold her in your arms until she falls asleep.
(b) Wipe your prick on her nightie and turn over.
(c) Tell the bitch to go and get in with the kids.
4. If you break wind in the night, do you:
(a) Try and cough at the same time and hope she's asleep.
(b) Hold her head under the covers and laugh your bollocks off.
(c) Blame her and give her a forearm smash.
5. If she breaks wind in bed, do you:
(a) Be a gentleman and pretend you didn't hear anything.
(b) Clout the cunt.
(c) Say, "Give over shitting, you dirty arsed twat!", and hoof it.
6. If she tells you she is having an unwanted baby, do you:
(a) Tell her not to worry as you'll manage.
(b) Belt her in the stomach with a cricket bat.
(c) Bide your time. You can always shove the cunt down the stairs.
7. If you come home early and find her in bed with a negro, do you:
(a) Close the door and pretend you haven't seen anything.
(b) Get in bed and join in.
(c) Douse them both in petrol and burn the cunts.
8. You have a toilet in your bathroom and you're bursting for a crap, but your girlfriends in the bath. Do you:
(a) Go next door and use their toilet.
(b) Shout, "Hurry up goat-face. The tortoise is sticking it's head out of the shell!"
(c) Sit next to her making a noise like a flock of starlings taking off.
9. You want sex with your girlfriend, but she's having her period. Do you:
(a) Wait until it's over.
(b) Lie on your back with your arm underneath you until it goes numb. Then start wanking so that it feels like somebody else doing it.
(c) Get your face in there and come up looking like one of those little men in the Ribena advert.
10. Your girlfriend says that she is leaving you for good. Do you:
(a) Break down in tears and beg her to stay.
(b) Put up bunting and arrange a street party.
(c) Empty your right nostril on her face, kick her in the cunt and then go out and get drunk as a cunt to celebrate.
HOW DID YOU DO ?
Score 1 point for (a),
2 points for (b) and
3 points for (c)
LESS THAN 15: If brains were made of cotton wool, you wouldn't have enough to make a tampon for a canary.
15-20: Must try harder.
21-30: One of the lads!