10)Symptom: Everything has gone dark.Fault: The bar is closing.
Correction: Panic!
2) Symptom: Drinking fails to satisfy and beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass empty.
Correction: Find somebody to buy another pint.
3) Symptom: You notice the wall is covered with ceiling tiles and there is a fluorescent light strip on it.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Correction: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your arm, stay put. Or summon help and then lash yourself to the bar.
4) Symptom: Everything has gone dim.
Fault: You have fallen over forwards.
Correction: See above.
5) Symptom: You wake up to find the bed hard and you cannot see the bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault: You are sleeping in the gutter.
Correction: Check your watch to see if the bar has opened yet. If not, sleep in.
6) Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Correction: Turn glass other way; Point open end at ceiling.
7) Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Correction: Stand next to bar owner's dog. Complain about house-training and demand pint as compensation.
8) Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Correction: Find somebody to buy another pint.
9) Symptom: Bar swaying.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Correction: Ask if you're being carried to another pub. If not, complain loudly thay you're being hijacked by the Salvation Army.
10)Symptom: Everything has gone dark.
Fault: The bar is closing.
Correction: Panic!