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50 THINGS TO DO ON A EXAM, WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL IT ANYWAY
Author unknown

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some
gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've
got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long
answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative.
Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the
instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud,
debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out,
"I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what
a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it,
loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been
to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell
are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume
at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting
way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer
this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be
creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a
sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to
leave the country" and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the
papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry
Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.
Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on
your head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam.
Be as vulgar as possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one,
make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not
looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to
be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor
to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a
percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to
another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk
out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and
true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things
(DCCAB.
BABE. etc..).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and
answers completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down
violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the
instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all
leaving after one hour to go drink)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some
point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks
why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes
on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30
minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the
opera" until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you
know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you
belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right
to take the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly,
say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days
of our Lives is on!!!"

32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get
you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge
on the River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest
proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own
life story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword
and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way
through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad
circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is
obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just
failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with
the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you
see fit."

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like
they do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to
you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc...
sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs, anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at
a 90 degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If
you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the
Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section
on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase
"Told you so".

50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx
Sucks"

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